The Almost Tattoo

I've been thinking about getting a tattoo for over 20 years. What? Where? Never could quite figure it out. Until I did.

Ginkgo leaves. I love the shape of them, how they represent resilience, endurance and renewal. How their fan shape splits into two lobes and represents a balance of yin-yang, (the quest for balance is my mantra). How they symbolize change and impermanence, their gold leaves in autumn drop all at once, a kind of graceful letting go, and then, come back in the Spring. Their deeply feminine beauty.

I planted a ginkgo tree in our front yard when the boys were born in their honor, and now it reaches up to the sky. It's also in my logo, because, well, all of the above.

OK, got the what, but then, where?

It started out as a ginkgo leaf at the bottom of my neck with a stem down my spine to my upper thoracic. Then I learned that area was spicy to tattoo because it has little fat. So I moved it to my upper back, left shoulder blade, something like this photo, though I envisioned three leaves.

I asked my family their thoughts and they basically boiled down to, you go Mom, or, you do you.

Found an artist, made the appointment, which was to be tomorrow, and... I cancelled.

For a few reasons. If I could snap my fingers and have that beautiful tattoo on my back, I'd probably go for it. But I don't love pain. I'm a swimmer and would not be able to be in water for a month. And while the artist is talented, every moment of her time was calculated in $$ and that's not my vibe.

These are not excuses. They're explanations. So, I remain bare skinned.

And here I am. Both anxious and curious. Not sure how this story will end.